


Living on the Edge

by morgay



Category: Warrior Cats - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alexithymia, Alternate Universe, Angst, BrumeClan, Depression, LightClan instead of StarClan, Loneliness, Mental Disorders, Oneshot, Original Character - Freeform, This is sad yeah, Warrior Cats, warriors - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgay/pseuds/morgay
Summary: Lionpaw knows her place, but isn’t sure how much longer she can stay sane.





	Living on the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Lil’ oneshot I did back in June of 2017. Revolves around my OC Lionpaw, who suffers from several different mental disorders in the made-up Clan BrumeClan. Even tho that roleplay is long ended I do love this girl. Enjoy! I love making angsty Warriors oneshots~

She was sitting on the edge.

Her blue eyes scanned the area below. The sound of the river rushed into her ears, flooding her senses. Her heartbeat seemed like it was miles away, but she could feel it pumping against her ribcage. Her bushy tail was curled neatly around her large paws, her blue eyes narrowed but soft.

 _She was sitting on the edge_.

Her mind was clouded. Every thought had trickled and sunken into the ground, reaching up to take her with them. She felt like she was trapped, dirt filling her lungs, screams wrenching from her throat as she tried to escape.

She could not escape.

Anxiety churned in her stomach. Her claws sheathed and unsheathed, digging up grass and creating slashes in the ground below her. Bile scratched up her throat and she felt like throwing up, but forced that feeling down with a quick nervous gulp.

She shakily stood to her paws. The river was fast, rough and uneven; she could see the foam that was swept along the water, parting with the shallow rocks that would easily be able to kill her.

 _Lionpaw was sitting on the edge_.

Her tail flicked. She was being quite narrow minded at the moment. She couldn't help it. It was as if every piece of advice she had given to others had crumbled with her former sanity. Sanity? Sanity. She wasn't _insane_. No. Crazy cats thought they were normal. She was just... different. Her emotions were disconnected. She didn't feel bad about anything, really. Of course, she knew how to fake it; she faked it quite well, too. No one knew. But it did turn into loneliness. Lionpaw used to love herself; her voice, her looks, everything about herself, really. She felt she didn't need any other cats.

But then? Then she was cast aside. Forgotten, like she always had been. Her lips curled into a snarl to reveal sharp canines, her tail lashing back and forth behind her as she stared down at the river.

 _Lionpaw wanted to jump_. She wanted to let her body sink into the river, to let the rocks crack bones and allow her to just... slip away. She did not want to be saved. She had no one. No family. No friends.

 _She was alone and ready to jump_.

But something held her back. Her eyes lingered on the forest behind her. A frown tugged at her lips. She didn't know why. She wasn't really a fan of BrumeClan; most of her life she'd wanted to run away. She figured maybe when she grew older, more mature, she would like her place in her group more. But she was mature, probably more than full-grown warriors. And she still did not enjoy BrumeClan.

Her itch to run free was almost too much to bear. She felt so... _trapped!_ Lionpaw was controlled, restrained in an environment she did not even like. She could easily leave; cross the stepping stones and be over the border. Let herself roam free, to go wherever she wanted to go.

But... one thing she would miss was everyone else.

Did she have friends? No. Did she have family? No. No one really noticed her, but she was used to that. She was quiet, not really liking to speak her mind and be the more mediator type. That was the worst role, really. Loneliness clogged her insides and sent her spiraling into a madness she couldn't control. Her emotions finally came out; she could finally _feel_.

And that's what she loved. The way her brain spun, the way she couldn't even understand what she was doing. When she was out of control, she was able to feel a wide range of emotions, but only during those times. Only during the times when she grew so lonely she literally had nothing left to do except become what others would call... well, _crazy_.

But if she left? Left the world, left BrumeClan? Then what would she have? It was the "lonely in a group of cats" type thing, really. She was fine alone with her thoughts, she just _hated being ignored_. But it was a drug, an addiction, and she couldn't stop. She didn't know how.

Lionpaw's throat was dry by now. Tears flecked the sides of her eyes, her head hanging limply as cries parted from her jaws. LightClan, if only she could be _normal_. The social butterfly, with tons of friends, the ability to carry on conversations with others without responding with a grunt or a huff.

The she-cat let her weight fall to her hind paws as she wobbled back, her head spinning. The world was becoming a blur. The blue sky was darkening, she felt like she was looking in on herself from somewhere else.

But she was smiling. A true, real smile, the smile of a cat that could finally, finally, feel. She was not in control; no, not anymore.

But that's what she loved the most. And because of it, she knew she could not leave. Not now, not ever.

She would stay put for as long as she possibly could.


End file.
